Phew! I'm so glad to be able to reach home before 9pm today! The whole of this week had been terribly exhausting for me with Che Che Boutique (will elaborate on this in the next blog) rushing to open for business at Mid Valley. Long and hectic working hours...but that's always been in the retail scene which I'm so familiar with. However, this time, I'm trying my level best not to push myself too hard and too far. But then, I've been bleeding every morning since Monday and simply can't figure out what's wrong with me. Besides feeling tired, I think I feel well.
Last week I went for a 3 days Liquid Fasting Retreat at Villa Indah, Bukit Tinggi. I was informed that it was held on the Spring equinox which is an auspicious time of the year. Spring arrived as the zodical clock moves out of Pisces into Aeries and the invincible sun crosses directly over the celestial equator giving us approximately 12 hours of light and 12 hours of darkness, bringing the world of form unifying energies of harmony and balance. They suggested that this is the best time energically to participate in a liquid fast held in sacred silence.
I still don't know why I signed up for this retreat cos' I hardly knew anyone, let alone the way to Villa Indah! But I guess different phase in life, we do different things and where I am now, I believe I'm still searching...
I was grateful to Carina for connecting me to her friend Julie so that we could travel together.
Day 1 : Friday 21st March
We are supposed to start fasting on liquids the morning we woke up.
We braved through quite a heavy traffic (as it was a Friday) and arrived at Villa Indah at about six something. After checking in to our respective villas, we gathered at the hall and the session kicked off at exactly 8pm.
Dehyana our facilitator greeted us with her usual hospitality and warmness. She explained to us the reason why she had chosen this day for liquid fasting. It was the Spring equinox and full moon and it coincided with Good Friday and Easter Sunday. As today is Good Friday, a day when Jesus was crucified - we were to dedicate the day by looking at our own crucifix and asked ourselves, "where am I not in alignment with the universe?"
The session proceeded with meditation guided by Dehyana. I felt ashamed, awkward and uneasy as I'm not not sure how exactly a person meditate. Like the rest, I just closed my eyes and allowed my mind to wander away! Sincerely speaking, my mind was not paying attention to Dehyana at all.
After this, people shared their experiences on their fasting and meditation. One guy mentioned he saw an image of Jesus and Buddha entering his stomach during meditation. Personally, I find it so hard to believe and accept! Some had so dramatic episodes that I thought they could've faked them! Keeping very silent, I sat at the corner, I just listened and I observed.
For a moment I felt I came to the wrong retreat!! Everyone else here is walking the so-called 'spiritual path' while I am still searching for the path of righteousness. Hey, I felt so out!
Day 2 : Saturday 22nd March
While many fought hard to sleep last night, I slept through (even with my usual dreams)the night.
This morning while we were heading to the hall, my room-mate Yen Lu suddenly turned pale and almost fainted. She felt weak and couldn't walk, I advised her to sit down while I went to seek help. I managed to get Chee Wah and Muniandy to the rescue. It was the 1st time I witnessed a healing performed by prayer and ho'oponopono (an ancient Hawaiian system of cleaning and taking full responsibility on oneself by repeatedly saying I'M SORRY - PLS FORGIVE ME - I LOVE YOU - THANK YOU). Coincidently, I also came to learn of this from the book Zero Limits which I'm still reading. Anyway, what happened was after 10mins or so, Yen Lu began throwing out and after that, she was able to walk again. I could see some colour returning to her pale face. I accompanied her to join the class and obviously, we were late.
I walked to the room heading towards Dehyana and quietly acknowledged her. She sat there like a goddess and has the aura of a calm sea in a storm of reality. I took my seat and closed my eyes like the rest did and instantly, tears just clouded my eyes. It just kept flowing for no apparent reason at all. Later, I understood that Dehyana sent me her love vibration. I don't understand how it works but I'm truly fascinated.
The rest of the morning were held in quiet comtemplation and sharing. On fasting, some people felt hungry, some tired, some energetic. I didn't feel anything and was not hungry yet, therefore I kept quiet. Later, when we took a break I contacted John and exchanged updates on our programmes. When I mentioned to him that I was bored, he teased me. He was surprised to find that I was still hanging on...staying in the midst of strangers, going through boring stuffs and without food! But I came with an open mind to explore and to experience just how it feels to be away from friends, living quietly and not eating. It was not that bad after all.
The afternoon was spent on sharing and more sharing. Dehyana explained to us the reason why she doesn't preach. Her sessions were mainly taken from the participant life's experiences so that we all were able to learn from them. I noticed that too. Dehyana speaks her heart, accepting whatever comes and whatever said. She never challenges, instead her wise words always made us ponder at our problems and ourselves instead of being a Miss Know It All giving a solution or having an answer on everything. Perhaps that's why I was drawn to her. We sang bharjans every now and then and I took 40 winks in between times too.
At night, we had breathworks and as expected, these people were all so 'dying' to share and contribute. So the drama began and ended at 10pm, we called it a day. It was certainly a long day.
Day 3 : Sunday 23rd March
I was awake early - a part of me had wanted so badly to get up for a jog while the other part of me just wanted to stay in bed. In the end, I succumbed to laziness and decided to lie down and laze in the bed. And this is so unlike Wai Mun!
After awhile, I got up. The air at Bukit Tinggi was crisp and cool. However, after my morning shower, I began to perspire profusely. Until now I still wonder why. I quickly wipe the sweat before I catch another cold again. I proceeded to do some breathing and stretching exercises at the balcony and soon felt better. Not long I met Gopalan and the rest and related my 'sweaty' experience at the shower with them. They assured me that it was due to the body releasing out toxins. I accepted it eventhough I wasn't sure. Again, I reminded myself my purpose of being here.
As it was Easter Sunday, Dehyana dedicated this day to remembering the resurrection of Jesus. Today, I found her teachings too difficult for me to digest. She talked about the 12 apostles and the 12 powers of man relating it to the 12 chakras of our bodies and the conscious mind. Each department heads has control of a certain function in soul and body; working through an aggregation of cells.
I was confused but forced myself to go with the flow...
We wrapped up that evening at 4pm breaking fast with fruits, snacks and beverages before leaving home.
I remembered Ms. Moey inviting John and I to the chapel for Easter that night but concluded that I could not take in anymore sermons after today's session. I knew she will be disappointed with our absence esp. mine but I honestly needed to take a break and consolidate all that I had learnt from the last 3 days first before going any deeper.